This is a beautiful and moving story Emma, and I've always been deeply touched by that song too. It was never my personal experience, but I do have close friends who had babies in neonatal care (one born at 23.5 weeks gestation who spent many months there). It's incredible how much trauma our bodies can carry from these moments, and I feel mad as I read about decisions being taken out of your hands and morphine disconnecting you from being able to fully feel and process what was happening. I wish our medical staff had more trauma education *sigh*. But I'm so glad your daughter's story had a happy outcome, and thank you for sharing your journey ❤
It’s the perfect song for her. I guess the most obvious one for me is ‘Stay’ by East 17, written by Tony Mortimer for his brother who died. For most people it’s a Christmas love song about heartbreak with a gorgeous snowy white video, but when you know you can’t unknow. I love the song but it breaks my heart every time I hear it. 💕💕
Yes indeed. 'Stay' is a massive one for me too - I've got a piece pending about that 😍. I feel exactly the same, I love it so much, but it breaks my heart. 'Wires' affects me in a different way, it takes me straight back to that place, and I can look at where I am now and wonder at the whole thing. 'Stay' is just heartbreaking 💔
Oh Peter, that is heartbreakingly beautiful. The song that always reminds me of Chris is 'Fix You' by Coldplay. I remember sending her a playlist when she was sick, and that song was out at the time. Every time I hear 'lights will guide you home', I think of her. What a wonderful woman she was, and I'm so eternally sorry for the loss ❤️
Ooofff what an emotive read. So many powerful points in here. The last time I connected with a song this deeply was the last time I experienced severe and agonising pain in spring last year. Though that was my norm for many years, I’d had a break from it for a few months as part of my healing. It left me wondering why exactly I was still alive. So I wrote a post about it with the song words to a healing song fave “you can’t rush your healing”: you can’t rush your healing. Darkness has its teachings....I just keep keep on believing, understanding that everyone’s got their chapter of darker darker days. https://www.instagram.com/p/CbnQOqQMClw/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Oh wow those lyrics - you can't rush your healing indeed. What a beautiful and heartfelt insta post that is, my heart goes out to you so much. Music is so healing, but also so connecting. Someone who wrote these lyrics has an insight into our experiences, and that is wonderful x
This is so beautiful Emma, what a miracle baby and to see her all grown up, what a stunning gift you were given! I can’t even begin to imagine how that affected you. Women are absolute warriors (and men), but it must have taken its toll. Make precious memories and sing your heart out. I can’t listen to John Denver, Country Roads without crying, but I don’t actually know why. Anything by Neil Diamond as well as he was my dads favourite artist.
Aah thank you so much Louise 🙏 and I know what you mean about John Denver!! Annie's Song makes me cry and I don't know why?!? My dad loved country music - it was always the soundtrack to my childhood x
Your post reminds me so much our own experience with our daughter who needed open heart surgery at 4 days old. Yes, she survived the surgery. Yes, she's 21 now. But is there trauma from the event of a birth teetering on the edge of a death even if that death doesn't arrive? Absolutely. This is beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your story. The short passage about all the different ways you were waiting reminded me of something I wrote about our daughter called "The taste of waiting" https://aimeeguest.substack.com/p/the-taste-of-waiting.
That sentence is exactly it - 'is there trauma...even if that death doesn't arrive'? I agree. Absolutely yes. I think it's get imprinted on us somewhere, somehow...coded into our experiences to resurface (or not) at a later stage. Ooh I shall read your piece now ❤️
She is a beautiful girl, and you are so lucky to have her in your life. Sometimes it feels like our children have a special purpose in coming into our lives.
Thank you, that's lovely to say, and yes I agree. It's funny where and how the twists and turns take us, and I am so aware of what a privilege it is to have a child at all. I'm so grateful every day x
This is a beautiful and moving story Emma, and I've always been deeply touched by that song too. It was never my personal experience, but I do have close friends who had babies in neonatal care (one born at 23.5 weeks gestation who spent many months there). It's incredible how much trauma our bodies can carry from these moments, and I feel mad as I read about decisions being taken out of your hands and morphine disconnecting you from being able to fully feel and process what was happening. I wish our medical staff had more trauma education *sigh*. But I'm so glad your daughter's story had a happy outcome, and thank you for sharing your journey ❤
Oh Vicki, so many decisions taken out of my hands!! But yes, the ending as it currently stands is a very happy one, thank you lovely ❤️🙏
It’s the perfect song for her. I guess the most obvious one for me is ‘Stay’ by East 17, written by Tony Mortimer for his brother who died. For most people it’s a Christmas love song about heartbreak with a gorgeous snowy white video, but when you know you can’t unknow. I love the song but it breaks my heart every time I hear it. 💕💕
Yes indeed. 'Stay' is a massive one for me too - I've got a piece pending about that 😍. I feel exactly the same, I love it so much, but it breaks my heart. 'Wires' affects me in a different way, it takes me straight back to that place, and I can look at where I am now and wonder at the whole thing. 'Stay' is just heartbreaking 💔
‘ Goodbye My Lover ’ by James Blunt as Chris slowly slid away from us as her cancer consumed her life.
Oh Peter, that is heartbreakingly beautiful. The song that always reminds me of Chris is 'Fix You' by Coldplay. I remember sending her a playlist when she was sick, and that song was out at the time. Every time I hear 'lights will guide you home', I think of her. What a wonderful woman she was, and I'm so eternally sorry for the loss ❤️
Ooofff what an emotive read. So many powerful points in here. The last time I connected with a song this deeply was the last time I experienced severe and agonising pain in spring last year. Though that was my norm for many years, I’d had a break from it for a few months as part of my healing. It left me wondering why exactly I was still alive. So I wrote a post about it with the song words to a healing song fave “you can’t rush your healing”: you can’t rush your healing. Darkness has its teachings....I just keep keep on believing, understanding that everyone’s got their chapter of darker darker days. https://www.instagram.com/p/CbnQOqQMClw/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Oh wow those lyrics - you can't rush your healing indeed. What a beautiful and heartfelt insta post that is, my heart goes out to you so much. Music is so healing, but also so connecting. Someone who wrote these lyrics has an insight into our experiences, and that is wonderful x
This is so beautiful Emma, what a miracle baby and to see her all grown up, what a stunning gift you were given! I can’t even begin to imagine how that affected you. Women are absolute warriors (and men), but it must have taken its toll. Make precious memories and sing your heart out. I can’t listen to John Denver, Country Roads without crying, but I don’t actually know why. Anything by Neil Diamond as well as he was my dads favourite artist.
Aah thank you so much Louise 🙏 and I know what you mean about John Denver!! Annie's Song makes me cry and I don't know why?!? My dad loved country music - it was always the soundtrack to my childhood x
Emma this was beautiful storytelling. Thanks for sharing such beautiful moments with us. In awe of you. Happy Birthday to Bel! ✨
Oh thank you lovely 💕 you’re so kind x
Your post reminds me so much our own experience with our daughter who needed open heart surgery at 4 days old. Yes, she survived the surgery. Yes, she's 21 now. But is there trauma from the event of a birth teetering on the edge of a death even if that death doesn't arrive? Absolutely. This is beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your story. The short passage about all the different ways you were waiting reminded me of something I wrote about our daughter called "The taste of waiting" https://aimeeguest.substack.com/p/the-taste-of-waiting.
That sentence is exactly it - 'is there trauma...even if that death doesn't arrive'? I agree. Absolutely yes. I think it's get imprinted on us somewhere, somehow...coded into our experiences to resurface (or not) at a later stage. Ooh I shall read your piece now ❤️
Imprinted. A great description.
She is a beautiful girl, and you are so lucky to have her in your life. Sometimes it feels like our children have a special purpose in coming into our lives.
Thank you, that's lovely to say, and yes I agree. It's funny where and how the twists and turns take us, and I am so aware of what a privilege it is to have a child at all. I'm so grateful every day x
Wow Emma - what raw emotion. What a beautiful child /woman she has become! 😍🙏🏻
Thank you, she has the most beautiful soul. I am in awe of her every day ❤️