Yes that one - you know, the one we can’t say out loud - the one that would evoke gasps of horror from those around us.
Christmas.
I wrote about this today - I’m interested in what it evokes for you (being that it is only September) - excitement, giddiness and glee? Eye rolls and despair? Sadness and reflection? Or perhaps total disinterest.
I’d love to chat with you about it. Oh and this is my first ever ‘thread’ so this is a bit of an experiment!
Loved your post, but can't say I have given Christmas a second thought as yet. It's a conflicted time for me, I loved it growing up, but now as an immigrant living on the opposite side of the world from family and roots, it brings up a sense of isolation and displacement. And as a childless woman it brings up grief and loss. In some ways I feel free from pressure and expectation - in New Zealand it's much more low-key than in England and we are more likely to hang out at the beach and have a swim. But I'm also always a little melancholy...
You live in New Zealand now - is that correct? I can completely understand that conflict. Memories of what it was juxtaposed with what it means now (should mean/could mean/does mean/doesn't mean!!!). So many expectations on how to feel. It's interesting how we move into it having a new meaning as we grow into adults ourselves, especially if children aren't part of the picture - whilst society bombards everyone with images of nuclear families. I am so sorry for your grief ❤️. I hope that you can find your joy within it, and can make it something that is individual to who and where you are now. Do you still have family in the UK? 💕
Yes, all of my family are in the UK, and my partner's family are in Germany. I've been living in New Zealand for 17 years, so Xmas tends to be a gathering of 'orphans' (aka immigrants) at our place. I actually do miss English Christmas though, in spite of its crazy over-commercialisation! And Christmas in summertime will never feel quite right...
I’m here for this! I have many thoughts about Christmas but I’m focussing on one at a time... I have a little list in my journal each week and aim to tick a few things off...
I wouldn’t usually start this “early” but the first week of term I listened to my hairdresser reel off everything she had sorted for Christmas (and it was absolutely everything) I felt completely overwhelmed and then somehow empowered!
Last year was such a difficult Christmas with loosing my father in law and viruses we were just so so wiped out... this Christmas will be different, paired back - that much I know!
It's interesting how different people manage it. Some buy all the presents in January for the following year, some leave it til Christmas Eve (used to be my husband's speciality!). When there is bereavement it adds such complexity to all the emotions - how to celebrate when loved ones are absent, how to feel... and yes the viruses... It's just a day, but what extraordinary expectation it places on us. Pared back sounds glorious 💕
Eye rolls for me! It's too early! 😂 I come from families who love everything about Christmas and I don't, but I always get sucked in. I keep saying I'm going to volunteer somewhere instead... Maybe this is the year 🤔
My sister often volunteers for Crisis or the local church, I definitely think that brings a much needed balance and sanity around the madness of it all. It’s way too early for me too, just as the nights close in I get those flashes of what’s coming and for me it’s a warm feeling, although one I’m not ready to indulge yet. Such a different time for so many ❤️
I love the idea of Christmas. I love to decorate my apartment (no ‘good taste’ at Christmas) and enjoy the sense of occasion and the baking. Gifts can be a minefield. I love having time to choose carefully or make - me/cfs makes that even harder. Several key people close to me have died, so there’s always a sadness. I used to sing in a choir and loved that too, but again the me/cfs makes even going to midnight service a no go if I am to appear at Lunch next day.
I’ve been making fabric gift bags all year, and will make the pudding in the next week or so. Maybe freeze some cookie dough etc. i give my husband’s family members each a lolly bag & working out what’s in this year’s bag makes us all laugh (adults get a liqueur miniature and there’s often swaps).
I feel like I need to start extra naps now to see me through. Its complicated, hey?
it is, and you're so right about the pacing and the choices we have to make. It's far to easy to overdo things around Christmas and then it's game over. I love the idea of the gift bags, and like you - there is no 'good taste' in our house!! No stylised trees, just a lot of warmth and glow. My wonderful mother-in-law used to make her own crackers with miniatures in, it was a lot of fun. Maybe I'll take up her tradition now she's no longer here... x
Christmas can get stressful for adults so anything that makes it more fun, more light hearted, helps. Carrying on or reviving a happy tradition is a charming addition. There’s something heavy about Mandatory Togetherness no matter how much you love each other. Trying to have a peak experience every year, driven by all the cultural messaging, was exhausting even before chronic illness entered the picture.
Always a bit of anxiety for me I’m afraid. I’m just about the start Beth Kempton’s ‘Calm Christmas’ in an effort to really enjoy it this year without the stress I usually feel.
I think expectations of wider family when my immediate family would like a quiet time. Unfortunately despite best intentions we always seem to upset someone by following our plans. Also the excess of Christmas doesn’t sit well with me, especially surrounding children. Books, crafts, natural or handmade presents are lovely but my daughter always ends up with a significant amount of plastic tat from well meaning family. This makes me sound ungrateful but the reality is I would prefer simple gifts with more connection and less obligation.
It's so tricky isn't it. So many people to consider, so easy to offend - it's a minefield. And yes the years of plastic tat - I totally agree. Thankfully mine are beyond that now but it felt so wrong - the huge mounds of gifts, (often plastic tat), the excess, the expectation. Yes handmade and simple is by far preferable for me. I hope that 'Calm Christmas' helps to keep you in a peaceful frame of mind. We exist with so many obligations, can we allow ourselves to put our immediate family first at Christmas? Not easy at all 💕
Loved your post, but can't say I have given Christmas a second thought as yet. It's a conflicted time for me, I loved it growing up, but now as an immigrant living on the opposite side of the world from family and roots, it brings up a sense of isolation and displacement. And as a childless woman it brings up grief and loss. In some ways I feel free from pressure and expectation - in New Zealand it's much more low-key than in England and we are more likely to hang out at the beach and have a swim. But I'm also always a little melancholy...
You live in New Zealand now - is that correct? I can completely understand that conflict. Memories of what it was juxtaposed with what it means now (should mean/could mean/does mean/doesn't mean!!!). So many expectations on how to feel. It's interesting how we move into it having a new meaning as we grow into adults ourselves, especially if children aren't part of the picture - whilst society bombards everyone with images of nuclear families. I am so sorry for your grief ❤️. I hope that you can find your joy within it, and can make it something that is individual to who and where you are now. Do you still have family in the UK? 💕
Yes, all of my family are in the UK, and my partner's family are in Germany. I've been living in New Zealand for 17 years, so Xmas tends to be a gathering of 'orphans' (aka immigrants) at our place. I actually do miss English Christmas though, in spite of its crazy over-commercialisation! And Christmas in summertime will never feel quite right...
My friends who have moved to Australia say exactly the same...
Whereas I’m an Aussie who hopes to have a white Christmas again one day. It almost snowed the year I was in the US.
Threads are SO confusing!!
I’m here for this! I have many thoughts about Christmas but I’m focussing on one at a time... I have a little list in my journal each week and aim to tick a few things off...
I wouldn’t usually start this “early” but the first week of term I listened to my hairdresser reel off everything she had sorted for Christmas (and it was absolutely everything) I felt completely overwhelmed and then somehow empowered!
Last year was such a difficult Christmas with loosing my father in law and viruses we were just so so wiped out... this Christmas will be different, paired back - that much I know!
It's interesting how different people manage it. Some buy all the presents in January for the following year, some leave it til Christmas Eve (used to be my husband's speciality!). When there is bereavement it adds such complexity to all the emotions - how to celebrate when loved ones are absent, how to feel... and yes the viruses... It's just a day, but what extraordinary expectation it places on us. Pared back sounds glorious 💕
Yeah... Thankyou for sharing that ✨🙏⭕️💕
Eye rolls for me! It's too early! 😂 I come from families who love everything about Christmas and I don't, but I always get sucked in. I keep saying I'm going to volunteer somewhere instead... Maybe this is the year 🤔
My sister often volunteers for Crisis or the local church, I definitely think that brings a much needed balance and sanity around the madness of it all. It’s way too early for me too, just as the nights close in I get those flashes of what’s coming and for me it’s a warm feeling, although one I’m not ready to indulge yet. Such a different time for so many ❤️
I love the idea of Christmas. I love to decorate my apartment (no ‘good taste’ at Christmas) and enjoy the sense of occasion and the baking. Gifts can be a minefield. I love having time to choose carefully or make - me/cfs makes that even harder. Several key people close to me have died, so there’s always a sadness. I used to sing in a choir and loved that too, but again the me/cfs makes even going to midnight service a no go if I am to appear at Lunch next day.
I’ve been making fabric gift bags all year, and will make the pudding in the next week or so. Maybe freeze some cookie dough etc. i give my husband’s family members each a lolly bag & working out what’s in this year’s bag makes us all laugh (adults get a liqueur miniature and there’s often swaps).
I feel like I need to start extra naps now to see me through. Its complicated, hey?
it is, and you're so right about the pacing and the choices we have to make. It's far to easy to overdo things around Christmas and then it's game over. I love the idea of the gift bags, and like you - there is no 'good taste' in our house!! No stylised trees, just a lot of warmth and glow. My wonderful mother-in-law used to make her own crackers with miniatures in, it was a lot of fun. Maybe I'll take up her tradition now she's no longer here... x
Christmas can get stressful for adults so anything that makes it more fun, more light hearted, helps. Carrying on or reviving a happy tradition is a charming addition. There’s something heavy about Mandatory Togetherness no matter how much you love each other. Trying to have a peak experience every year, driven by all the cultural messaging, was exhausting even before chronic illness entered the picture.
Always a bit of anxiety for me I’m afraid. I’m just about the start Beth Kempton’s ‘Calm Christmas’ in an effort to really enjoy it this year without the stress I usually feel.
That is a great book, definitely one to help the sanity. What aspects bring you the stress or is it a combination of all? 💕
I think expectations of wider family when my immediate family would like a quiet time. Unfortunately despite best intentions we always seem to upset someone by following our plans. Also the excess of Christmas doesn’t sit well with me, especially surrounding children. Books, crafts, natural or handmade presents are lovely but my daughter always ends up with a significant amount of plastic tat from well meaning family. This makes me sound ungrateful but the reality is I would prefer simple gifts with more connection and less obligation.
It's so tricky isn't it. So many people to consider, so easy to offend - it's a minefield. And yes the years of plastic tat - I totally agree. Thankfully mine are beyond that now but it felt so wrong - the huge mounds of gifts, (often plastic tat), the excess, the expectation. Yes handmade and simple is by far preferable for me. I hope that 'Calm Christmas' helps to keep you in a peaceful frame of mind. We exist with so many obligations, can we allow ourselves to put our immediate family first at Christmas? Not easy at all 💕