Listen to your body when it whispers...
...so you don't have to when it screams
La la la I’m not listening
“Listen to your body when it whispers, so you don’t have to when is screams”, is one of my all time favourite pieces of advice. I’m not sure where I initially read it (perhaps in the phenomenally insightful book on the mind/brain/body relationship ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Bessel Van der Kolk), although I think it has been cited from a wide range of sources over time.
As someone with Chronic Fatigue (CFS/ME) and other complex overlapping health conditions, it has taken me years to learn to heed this advice - my previous inability to do so no doubt responsible for exacerbating (or even causing) said health issues in the first place.
In the past I have certainly ignored all whispers from my body, relentlessly ploughing forwards with some misguided sense of...loyalty? indispensability? conscientiousness? guilt? My unspoken fear of letting people down, or not being good enough, causing me to continue until I would ‘crash’, becoming sick time and time again, ultimately ending up out of action for far longer than if I had allowed myself the kindness to rest when the hushed warnings began.
Now I hear you
When things were at a peak of unrest, I finally allowed myself to listen. Instead of constantly rebelling against my body and mind, refusing to succumb, and fighting my limitations with increasing futility, I began to accept, and make the changes to let myself live well, and with self-kindness. It took some big decisions, and I am eternally grateful for the unwavering support of my family in selling our house to enable me to change from air traffic controller to author, from breadwinner to (near) zero-earner, from sick to much more well...yet those days still come.
Now when the whispers begin, I am as attentive as a (slightly tired and floppy) meerkat. I turn inwards and clear the decks. I pull down my shutters, cancel commitments, carrying out only the essentials required in parenting teenagers, knowing that those that know and love me don’t judge me. That the people that matter understand. That it is simply what I need to do, and I am allowed to let myself heal.
This view that ‘“pushing through” at any cost is no longer a badge of honour’ is beautifully written about by author
in her brilliant publication, The Hyphen, and I couldn’t agree more.Intentional rest
As my whispers rose from imperceptible, to low and continuous this week, I wove myself a temporary cocoon and made space for ‘intentional rest’. I visited my soul sister by the sea - getting a train as I couldn’t drive, and was picked up and greeted with a blanket and cuddles from her gorgeous dog. No words needed, no questions or demands. I promptly slept for several hours. When awake, cups of tea by the sea, quiet sunsets and passing horses feeding my soul. Her and I existing peacefully and wordlessly around each other in that magical way that happens when someone makes you feel totally safe.
Another friend who understands and who is ALSO in need of deep rest scooped me up on a different day, taking me to my happy place, to immerse and float, to marvel at a goose taking a rest on a paddle board, and a duck intently building a nest with sticks longer than her own body. We gently swam and held each other in empathy, giggled at having our feet pecked whilst we ate salty sausage and egg baps and drank tea, before she dropped me home to sleep once more.
Writing inwards
Mostly, though, this week is about just being on my own, in a peaceful space. Fatigue presents in many ways - physical, mental, cognitive, social, and right now my physical and social batteries are particularly depleted. I am normally very active and highly sociable, so when I feel like this I need to gently hide, particularly as people are used to me being so chatty!
Sometimes when I’m fatigued I can’t write, yet at other times it brings me quiet joy and is part of the healing. Today I can write, although it is very slow, and not as sharp as it would be, but that’s ok. It’s writing from the soul, from a tired but contented place. Draped in my weighted ‘therapy’ blanket, the sounds of Wimbledon tennis in the background lulling me in and out of slumber. This is writing inwards, for me - not on social media, not to prompt conversation, just for me, and perhaps for those that need to find it.
So I will perhaps continue to write over the next few days, perhaps not, but there will be very little else. I won’t be on any live calls, or holding my own Lemon Soul Live this week, and I will endeavour to stay away from social - I found myself on it this morning, almost subconsciously, and I came across this post from the wonderful author coach Kelly Weekes - thank you Universe (and Kelly) for the reminder.
I will possibly float around Substack, as it is a dreamy and nurturing place, with no noise or stress. I may read, I will drink tea and eat crisps, and I will definitely rest; never underestimating how fortunate I am to be able to take time out.
For you
Why am I sharing this today? Well, really it’s because if you need to rest (and I know so many of you do - yes YOU!!), I want you to feel that it’s ok. In fact it’s more than ok, it’s essential. Life is too busy, there are too many demands, and they won’t let up. The way we exist is crazy and unsustainable and true self-care has never been more lacking. The noise around us will never stop, but we can.
Everything will still be there when you feel stronger, and everyone that matters will not only understand, but celebrate your ‘knowing’ and intuition, and be grateful for you taking care of your precious self. So if your body is starting to whisper, listen to it before it screams. And if you know someone who needs to hear this, and feel permission to rest, please pass this on.
It’s the best gift we can give to ourselves and all those that depend on us, and God knows, we deserve it. 🙏
Sleep well my friends, I’ll be back soon.
Love and lemons 🍋
Em x
A whole-hearted YES to this ❤️ This has been one of the most powerful teachings of living with auto-immune disease - to learn to listen to my body's wisdom, to learn how to truly rest (not the things we think are rest but are actually further depleting us) and to learn to regulate my poor over-taxed nervous system. I'm writing on a similar theme this week too as it happens. Amen sister 😊
I needed to read this today, even as I stay committed to Doing Less For No Good Reason (https://open.substack.com/pub/armchairrebel/p/doing-less-for-no-good-reason)