Phew, I wasn’t sure I could read on, but I did. I wouldn’t voluntarily enter a cave, beyond the wide open, light, curve of rock variety. I could not swim under a rock, though your writing is so vivid I’m there with you and can understand why you did. I don’t think I inhaled or exhaled while I read that bit.
These days I’m all for some cautious exploration of the edge of fear. I was on an intercity coach crash 30+ years ago and I will never go on a coach holiday - though I continued to ride coaches for a year after until the PTSD reached the point of panic attacks on the local bus. While there are planes, trains, cars, trams and walking boots, its a hard no to overcoming for me, because life is too short. Thanks for a great - if harrowing - read.
Yes I don't really know what I was thinking if I'm honest!!! But I certainly don't feel the need to do it again! Cautious exploration around the edges sounds spot on. Gosh I'm so deeply sorry for your experience, and I 100% agree with your hard no. There are things I won't go near, not that spring to mind but that sometimes I know I just won't do. Funnily enough caving is one of those for me!!! It was just when confronted with an unexpected opportunity to kind of 'safely' test it, I went for it. Goodness knows why! I hope you have managed to find a way of being able to travel without trauma, sending much love x
Thanks for the response to my comment. I can travel just fine, I avoid coach tours. People say that’s a shame and I’m missing out but I’m feeling no regret myself 😆
Yes, A dozen (or 50) people to inconvenience with my health needs, or suffer silently in resentment at their noise and perfume...the coach is just one aspect of that chronic illness circle of hell.
Emma I was literally holding my breath whilst reading this! That is something I would never want to have to do. I think that I have many of the same fears about water, submechanophobia... yes! definitely have that and buoys as well if I'm honest. When we are walking along any kind of towpath I always fear my husband falling in. He has a habit of tripping over things. Dealing with fear for me now is an interesting one. I've broken through so many barriers on a personal and spiritual level, that slightly ooh err feeling is quite often present. Anything that is clear blue about water is also not on list, so only tropical holidays for me then! 😂
Haha I didn't realise fear of buoys was a thing until I started telling people!! They are SO eerie!! I used to be exactly the same about water - it has honestly been huge overcoming getting into dark water, murky water, deep water. The first time I swam in Loch Lomond which is basically black (and cold!!!) I was absolutely terrified. There is a whole chapter about this in my first book! Perhaps it's time for me to tell myself I don't need to keep doing it, I've done enough 💕
Amazing read, I love your writing and ability to articulate real life 😍 I wrote a letter to my fears a while back as part of a healing practice exercise I did that I dared to share:
Amber I LOVE this letter - what a beautiful way of expressing those feelings. I can see you doing a series of letters like that - it would be incredible! Thank you for sharing this part of you, it's truly special x
Oh thank you! If you have any inspired ideas for letter writing, share them with me as I do love this type of blog! There are a few letters I’ve already done including the break up letter to pain below, I’ve done one to my inner child but that’s for paid subscribers when I get round to setting it up as (even though it’s rare I feel this way) I don’t want that one available to the world:
Ooh I'll have a think! It reminds me of the 'Dear Daughter' series on the BBC World Service which is a beautiful podcast of letters written by women to a 'daughter' although they don't necessarily have a daughter - it could be their own younger self, or just a young woman in the world we are growing up in. It's very special. I also think you'd like the 'Permission to Feel' series by Jacky Power in her Substack publication The Therapeutic Poet. I love the way you write these letters - there is so much overlap in pain and fear!! And the contained trauma and things we spoke about - the physical and mental pain, and the acceptance and gratitude when we let some of it go. Bravo - great words x
I think I recently signed up for the therapeutic poet, I’ll double check. I’d love to hold space for my paid membership Group once or twice a month so maybe I can incorporate some kind of writing/journaling activity as part of it where we write letters to the various parts of ourselves? Hmmm what an idea 🤩
Gosh I was there with you when you did that dive Emma! The cave looked other worldly... incredible! Thanks for sharing your world with us... 🌎
Thank you for being a brand new part of it and inspiring me so much 🙏
Phew, I wasn’t sure I could read on, but I did. I wouldn’t voluntarily enter a cave, beyond the wide open, light, curve of rock variety. I could not swim under a rock, though your writing is so vivid I’m there with you and can understand why you did. I don’t think I inhaled or exhaled while I read that bit.
These days I’m all for some cautious exploration of the edge of fear. I was on an intercity coach crash 30+ years ago and I will never go on a coach holiday - though I continued to ride coaches for a year after until the PTSD reached the point of panic attacks on the local bus. While there are planes, trains, cars, trams and walking boots, its a hard no to overcoming for me, because life is too short. Thanks for a great - if harrowing - read.
Yes I don't really know what I was thinking if I'm honest!!! But I certainly don't feel the need to do it again! Cautious exploration around the edges sounds spot on. Gosh I'm so deeply sorry for your experience, and I 100% agree with your hard no. There are things I won't go near, not that spring to mind but that sometimes I know I just won't do. Funnily enough caving is one of those for me!!! It was just when confronted with an unexpected opportunity to kind of 'safely' test it, I went for it. Goodness knows why! I hope you have managed to find a way of being able to travel without trauma, sending much love x
Thanks for the response to my comment. I can travel just fine, I avoid coach tours. People say that’s a shame and I’m missing out but I’m feeling no regret myself 😆
I have to say I don’t think you’re missing anything - I avoid coach tours!! 😅❤️
Yes, A dozen (or 50) people to inconvenience with my health needs, or suffer silently in resentment at their noise and perfume...the coach is just one aspect of that chronic illness circle of hell.
Emma I was literally holding my breath whilst reading this! That is something I would never want to have to do. I think that I have many of the same fears about water, submechanophobia... yes! definitely have that and buoys as well if I'm honest. When we are walking along any kind of towpath I always fear my husband falling in. He has a habit of tripping over things. Dealing with fear for me now is an interesting one. I've broken through so many barriers on a personal and spiritual level, that slightly ooh err feeling is quite often present. Anything that is clear blue about water is also not on list, so only tropical holidays for me then! 😂
Haha I didn't realise fear of buoys was a thing until I started telling people!! They are SO eerie!! I used to be exactly the same about water - it has honestly been huge overcoming getting into dark water, murky water, deep water. The first time I swam in Loch Lomond which is basically black (and cold!!!) I was absolutely terrified. There is a whole chapter about this in my first book! Perhaps it's time for me to tell myself I don't need to keep doing it, I've done enough 💕
Yes! They so are eerie! Keep doing it if you enjoy it, that’s the main thing. ❤️
Amazing read, I love your writing and ability to articulate real life 😍 I wrote a letter to my fears a while back as part of a healing practice exercise I did that I dared to share:
https://warriorwithin.substack.com/p/a-heartfelt-letter-to-fear
Amber I LOVE this letter - what a beautiful way of expressing those feelings. I can see you doing a series of letters like that - it would be incredible! Thank you for sharing this part of you, it's truly special x
Oh thank you! If you have any inspired ideas for letter writing, share them with me as I do love this type of blog! There are a few letters I’ve already done including the break up letter to pain below, I’ve done one to my inner child but that’s for paid subscribers when I get round to setting it up as (even though it’s rare I feel this way) I don’t want that one available to the world:
https://warriorwithin.substack.com/p/a-break-up-letter-to-pain
Ooh I'll have a think! It reminds me of the 'Dear Daughter' series on the BBC World Service which is a beautiful podcast of letters written by women to a 'daughter' although they don't necessarily have a daughter - it could be their own younger self, or just a young woman in the world we are growing up in. It's very special. I also think you'd like the 'Permission to Feel' series by Jacky Power in her Substack publication The Therapeutic Poet. I love the way you write these letters - there is so much overlap in pain and fear!! And the contained trauma and things we spoke about - the physical and mental pain, and the acceptance and gratitude when we let some of it go. Bravo - great words x
I think I recently signed up for the therapeutic poet, I’ll double check. I’d love to hold space for my paid membership Group once or twice a month so maybe I can incorporate some kind of writing/journaling activity as part of it where we write letters to the various parts of ourselves? Hmmm what an idea 🤩
Love it!! 😍😍
Thank you🙏 I appreciate your support and encouragement x
Loved this! 😘
🙏❤️