There are two types of people in the world

Those who like fancy dress...

…and those like me.

I fucking hate fancy dress.

Ok I KNOW when I get there I might actually have fun. But just the notion of a ‘themed’ party of any kind brings me out in a mild rash and makes me want to find an excuse not to go. Any excuse.

Photo by Michelle Cassar on Unsplash

It exposes so many of my fears - my lack of imagination, making a fool of myself, memories of turning up at school ‘theme’ days dressed in a giant toilet roll holder, and then, there’s the effort. Seriously, I am too old to be making that kind of effort to go to a party. Tell me I can come in my pyjamas? I’m there (as long as it’s not a ‘theme’ where I have to come in pyjamas). In fact better still, come to me, with wine and crisps. Let yourself in.

Two of my most sunny bubbly friends love fancy dress parties. I am not surprised. They also like Valentine’s Day, Halloween and all sorts of other excuses for a celebration that I turn my curmudgeonly nose up at. One of them challenged me recently:

‘But it’s an excuse to celebrate, get together, have fun – how can that not a good thing?’.

She raises a good point, but I’m so far down the ‘I don’t do Valentine’s’ road on my deeply entrenched narrative of overpriced restaurants and profiteering card companies that I fear I have passed the point of no return. That one may also be steeped in the deep seated 13-year-old trauma of me hand-making a Valentine’s card for the object of my intense affections, Hamish Guerrini, only for him to hand it around all the girls in ‘4C’ on the bus on the way home. I can’t believe that one never came up in my years of therapy.

And then there’s Halloween. All manner of horror wrapped into one. Pointless expense AND dressing up. Make it stop. Although these days I can couch my disdain for Halloween in eco-credentials of protesting against single use plastics and the plethora of environmentally unfriendly accessories, thus elevating myself from curmudgeon to thoughtful citizen. Win win.

But seriously, why ruin a good party?

Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

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As I was pondering this, I came across two other ‘there are two types of people in this world’ quotes this week that I thought were inspired. So I’ll also share these with you, and then ask you the deeply exposing question of ‘which type are you’. These could be friendship defining moments. It’s a big risk, especially as we have become so close over this last year.

Firstly, from the brilliant

Tom Cox

. If you haven’t discovered him yet - do. His writing is hilarious, observant and laced with subtle pathos, dipping as it does between life, landscape and mystical folklore. It’s a treat. He is extraordinarily generous on here, frequently giving away books. Last month I received a copy of The Villager in the post, and this time he was giving away The Notebook. I couldn’t bring myself to ask for a second freebie so decided to look it up so I could buy it, and in the synopsis I read:

“There are two types of people in the world: People who fucking love maps, and people who don’t.”

I fucking love maps.

I also love that this book came with an online review saying ‘this book should be available on prescription’. Doesn’t get much better than that. And then Tom sent me a copy anyway 🫶

I mean, what’s not to love? I get absolutely lost in maps (pun not intended). They open up a world of mystery, opportunity, adventure, exploration, and sometimes actually help me to get somewhere I’m trying to get to. The act of unfolding a map, of tracing out a destination with my finger, of stumbling across markings of interest along the way. Whether it’s a map of Middle Earth or the A-Z, I’m in.

So here we are: love maps, hate fancy dress. If you are someone that loves fancy dress and hates maps then we really need to talk. Although I’m pretty sure that two of my best friends in the world fit into the latter category, it’s a painful revelation.

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Secondly, as I finished the book ‘I’m Sorry I’m Late I Didn’t Want to Come’ by

Jess Pan

- I found such delight in her final chapter as she talked about planning a dinner party. And when I invited her to my dinner party, I hadn’t even read this chapter. I am slightly concerned that my continued adoration and tagging of Jess may lead to her taking out a restraining order against me, but when someone’s writing is that pleasing then we have a duty to shout about it, right? (Honestly Jess, I am not a psychopath, and although I would definitely invite you to a party I would NOT make it fancy dress).

Anyway, she discusses that excruciating decision to ‘bring people together’ from different areas of your life, which as she comments on earlier in the book, is utterly perplexing to our Scandinavian cousins. Why would you even do that? Why? Why? Perhaps there are two types of people… those that do and…

As she is pondering the potential collision of the various tectonic personalities in her world, she writes:

“Just imagine every person you know on Facebook in the same room together, asking each other how they know you. Your parents. Your colleagues. Your childhood best friends. Your flatmates. Your exes.

..Friends who think Adnan definitely did it and friend who won’t associate with anyone who thinks he’s guilty.”

After coming down from the extreme anxiety of imaging all those people in one room, this actually made me laugh out loud, and do a little hop and skip at understanding the cultural reference of a generation probably two decades younger than me. If you’re not familiar, this refers to the original podcast of all podcasts: Serial - following the trial of one Adnan Syed accused of murdering his high school girlfriend. I’ll leave it there in case you haven’t yet come across it.

So do I think Adnan did it or would I not associate with anyone who thinks he’s guilty? Well on this one, being a woman of a certain life stage, I can’t remember what even happened in the podcast let alone which side of the fence I stand or stood on - although I do recall being VERY sure at the time…

So this is me:

• hates fancy dress

• loves maps

• can’t remember whether I think Adnan is guilty or not

How about you?

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As always,

Love & lemons 💕🍋

Em xx