Friday dip - changing your life to follow your dreams
Thoughts to wash over you for the weekend
The maelstrom
About four years ago, whilst my career was peaking, and my health problems were galloping close behind in their desperate bid to overtake, I found myself searching for some respite from the madness. Somewhere to go to stop, recharge, breathe, rest. That thing that we do in the hope that a weekend out will reset our bodies and brains. Sound familiar?
I came across a very special place that has been consistently voted in the top UK wellness retreats, The Detox Barn in Suffolk. And so it was, on a July weekend in 2019, I screeched up to their barn doors late on a Friday evening - Cruella de Ville style - stressed, loud, on edge, hair on fire - you know the kind of thing. The two simply brilliant and inspiring ‘Gavin sisters’ who run the Detox Barn - Lauretta and Sharon - have since told me that they saw me arrive and said to each other: ‘Christ, we’ve got a right one here’.
I don’t blame them.
At that point, my situation was starting to spiral towards a real health crisis, but my consciousness had not yet engaged in that level of awareness. I was already on a break from alcohol (something I dip in and out of) because I felt that I could only just keep a grip on all the spinning plates if I had absolute clarity of thought, yet still, the maelstrom was becoming uncontainable.
Incidentally - are there many words better than maelstrom? I think not. Thoughts please?
What followed, were the most blissful three days with nine perfect strangers (and my fabulous sister, Brenda), which left me feeling not just recharged and rested, but somehow fundamentally realigned.
A menu of vegan food (I am a carnivore), no caffeine (I am a tea monster), but most importantly, a whole lot of nothing ensued. I have taken similarly busy-minded friends there since, and some have found the ‘lack’ of activities difficult, but that was the key for me. Silent walks, gentle yoga, optional books and films, and a LOT of sleep - all in the most beautiful surroundings. (Oh and delightful treatments are available if you can haul your carcass out of a sun lounger long enough to reposition onto another bed 10 metres away).
Bread & butter
It’s funny how the body responds - more about this shortly when I publish my piece about Juicy Mountain, but the thing I really, really craved at the end of it? Not caffeine, not alcohol... but doorstop white bread with salty butter. No idea what that says about my normal dietary habits and body composition but whatevs. I’m not gonna lie - the first thing I did when I got home was have a shed load of Chalk Hills Bakery’s finest.
I feel I should just point out the picture below is not my home, in case you are wondering about my taste in artwork, it’s the local pub.
Circling back
One of the most special things about the Detox Barn weekend, however, was the connection with the other guests, and also the hosts themselves, Sharon & Lauretta. Sharon has the most humbling and inspiring story about overcoming/managing chronic illness that had her wheelchair bound, through her radical change in diet and lifestyle, supported all the way by her sibling. As someone with my own incredibly supportive sister, understated and under the radar, but ALWAYS there, I find it quite wonderful.
On a subsequent visit I interviewed the Gavin sisters for a book that was at that time going to be my first, but is now possibly my third to come (out of five planned so far!)...and then recently they asked to interview me back for their brilliant podcast. As well as being retreat hosts, they are ‘by trade’ actors (oh - the moment when I saw Sharon in Motherland!!!), comedians and writers, and through experience they have more knowledge about wellbeing in their proverbial pinkies than most people have in their whole podcast library.
Their podcast is called The Gavin Sisters Wellness Show, and they have interviewed some incredible luminaries in the wellbeing world, from bestselling addiction expert Dr Gabor Mate to celebrity chef John Lawson, to sleep experts, plane crash survivors, ‘Mel’ in Eastenders...and then...there’s me.
It was a privilege to be invited onto their show, and when I saw the title of ‘my’ episode, ‘Changing your life to follow your dreams’, I felt fit to burst.
I have made some radical life changes over the past 10 years, in order to finally take my foot off the gas of that car that screeched up to their door, and to find my peace. In this interview, that was conducted by them with the utmost sensitivity, warmth and humour, I explain how, and what a difference it has made.
We talked about so much, here are a couple of highlights:
Sibling grief, injustice, and finding peace:
Depression, privilege, and suppressing trauma:
Identity, defining success, realisation and change:
Cold water swimming, overcoming, community and joy:
I hope that you enjoy listening.
One thing that has stood out of the years I’ve spent coaching and mentoring others, particularly women, is how we put blockers and limiting factors in our own way when it comes to making change. ‘I can’t afford it’. ‘I need to wait until the children are older’. ‘I will be judged’. ‘I don’t think I have the ability’. ‘I’m not good enough’ ‘I’m scared’.
Whilst some of these things might hold an element of truth - financial factors need to be considered, fear is real (both of which can be overcome); a lot of them can be blown out of the water completely: Know that you are good enough, that those that matter won’t judge you, that you are able, that your children will thrive if you thrive.
Know that you are worth it, and that you deserve the changes you want to make. Whilst there is no utopia because life is real, challenging and amazing, hard and joyful...there is always another way. And if you need some time out to work out just what changes you might need in order find your next path, I know just the place to take a weekend retreat and find that space.
Listen in full here:
When did you last take time out to reassess what is important for you? When can you do it next? It doesn’t have to be a weekend away, it can just be a walk in the woods. It’s all about headspace. I’d love to hear how you get that, and when you’re next going to gift yourself that time.
Because (L’Oreal spoiler) you’re worth it.
Love & lemons 🍋
Em xx
What a lovely tribute to sisterhood, thank you. I recently took myself off to Brighton. It wasn’t a particularly nice day but I needed to see the sea. I honestly felt it calling me and am fortunate enough to live within relatively easy reach of the South coast.
I had the luxury of reading a book on the train journey (love my Kindle), then made my way to the stony beach on arrival. The wind was pretty bracing, the sky grey, the beach fairly empty, and I just stood there for a bit, eyes closed and breathing. The whole journey was about those 5 minutes and it was totally worth it. There’s no air like salty, sea air. I remember how it would rejuvenate my dad every time we visited Swanage. It doesn’t just wash over you, it goes through you, brushing the cobwebs away as it goes. The vista was slightly bleak and totally gorgeous. Even the seagulls looked serene and majestic (I don’t like birds much, too flappy).
I managed to meet an old friend for lunch at the wonderful vegetarian restaurant ‘Food for Friends’ while there; no better way to while away a couple of hours. Then a meander around the Lanes, and back to my book for the homeward journey. It was just what my soul needed, the perfect natural remedy. And the air, at least, is free!
PS. I also loved the Detox Barn. Wonderful place, and a beautiful dog!
That word connection has been coming up this week with Amber. Love hearing your journey in such hilariously great descriptions!